TRANSFORMATION TRANSFORMATION has a higher spiritual purpose. It is a wake-up call that urges people to open their eyes and look around, to start noticing how they live and what they do. Start saving animals and nature, stop warring and fighting, start helping others if you can! That is the whole point! This album is slightly different from the previous one because it not only has my real life stories but also a higher purpose. I want to open your hearts and touch your souls. So many times I have been criticized for releasing music that is too personal, too upsetting, and too depressing. Many like my voice but not my music, but hey! My music is me and my soul and despite all the different tastes, if in general you don’t like my music, it’s better if you don’t like my voice because I am ONE with it and it will never change. I open my heart and soul to you through my music—can you feel it? Do you want to feel it? Or it is too upsetting so you try to avoid it? The truth is that if you don’t do the right spiritual work to heal your wounds, you will avoid the truth… Your choice. It hurts because it is real and I am real. Transformation is about both personal and global transformation. On my album’s cover, my eyes are closed because I am calling you people to stop for a second and stop looking around! Close your eyes and look inside of yourself—what do you feel? Let’s Share: This song is a WAKE-UP call to the world!!! There are so many upsetting things going on—destroying the planet, killing animals, being cruel to each other, etc… All of this is leading our planet— slowly but steadily—to the end. This song reminds all of us that we have to be the change within ourselves! Many ask, ‘Why should I do anything? I am one person and cannot change anything.’ If everyone says it then indeed nothing will ever happen. But if you just start to do it . . . then each of us could take a few small steps every day to help our planet, animals and people. And that would have an impact on all of us. Darkest Before The Dawn: Funny that this instrumental was originally written as one of the piano demo tracks for my favorite song, Big Black Hole. I couldn’t waste such a wonderful instrumental and I used it for a new song instead. I have had some really dark moments in my life and I wish to say that there was more good than bad, but unfortunately, it is the other way around. To survive each and every second, I have always told myself that life is a zebra and it’s darkest before the dawn… I Won’t Stay: This one is a real life story about me and my 2nd ex-husband. Not only did he make me feel crazy, he was manipulative and psychologically abusive. Always lying, greedy, and making me do things I didn’t want to do… I felt like a puppet. For me, there is nothing more important in this life than music, peace, and my personal freedom so I literally fled to another country. This song should be sad but it isn’t because it has a happy ending!
POISON: This is not a real life story like most of the other songs. It is a commercial song as I have been accused way too many times that I do not release anything commercial, more suitable for a larger audience. Here it is! I took Poison as the only song that was a bit empty and commercial, but with the current coronavirus situation, I realize how crazily good it is fitting in with the album and this situation. It is about a toxic relationship; just not with a man . . . with our Mother EARTH! I knew from the beginning that I wasn’t writing about a man or any person at all. I knew it had a purpose, but back in 2016—that’s when I originally wrote it—I didn’t know what that purpose was and somehow I also knew that it would come . . . and oof! Right when I decided to release the album, it lined up with the COVID-19 situation and immediately I knew that this was it. Nobody Knows: Another very spiritual song. I don’t think there is much to say since everything was revealed directly in the song. This is all about people, their deeds, karma, the universe, and awaiting our lady Gaia (Earth). Hard To Be Me: Oh, another song just like Big Black Hole that is so ME… My life story, how I feel and who I am… Another song that some people urged me not to release because they said it was too depressing, but is real life only sunny and beautiful? I will let other people sing only happy songs; I will sing what I feel. I have always been alone—every word in the song is the truth. It is me and my soul, and how I feel all the time: completely alone in this world. And when I feel terrible and feel like drowning, I have only myself. No one will ever know what I feel and they suggest stupid things when no one has asked them to suggest anything. I trust only myself and no one else. And despite it all, I am coping very well. It is a very important part of my healing and coping process that I have a friend to talk to—not a shrink but a friend. Instead, all of them eventually turn their backs on me and I learn my lesson that no one is 100% trustworthy, there is no guarantee in life, and I can trust nobody but myself. I learnt this lesson a very hard way. Now I hardly ever talk with anyone and that is for the best. I learnt how to release and heal myself on my own. Everything is hard work and a lesson. If you are not strong enough to cope with what you have on your plate, please make sure you get good help. RISE: Real life story. I have been at the bottom of the bottom so many times I cannot count them, but no matter what, I still rise every time. This time, this happened to a friend of mine and she struggled a lot to rise again. In this song, I am telling her my story and encouraging her to make a move! Life’s Dance: Another spiritual song. An interesting fact is that originally, I called this song Life & Death but Kristen Wilson, who was editing my lyrics, suggested a more positive name—Life’s Dance—which I accepted as it was a good idea. This song is about the natural process of life and death and that we will all be gone one day but this planet (if people don’t kill it) will still be alive and the sun will still shine. So here, I tell people to forget about their everyday lives for a second and just enjoy something from their surroundings such as the sun, a beautiful view, nature, friends, or anything/anyone else before their life cycle is over. Fly: This is also about my life but in a more abstract way. I literally live for my dream; that is my life’s purpose. Music is me, my soul, my heart, my everything! In this song, I am playing the scenario where I have already achieved my biggest dreams and my music is known around the whole world, where people sing my songs, make covers, play them everywhere, make remixes... And here, I live my dream, I fly, I am strong because I am living my dream. NAÏVE: This is an autobiographical song about my 1st ex-husband with whom I was so stupidly blind, wearing rose-colored glasses. I really believed that he was better than he was. I believed that love could conquer everything! But it appeared he has been continuously cheating on me, drinking, abusing drugs and eventually disappearing 2-3 days in a row. Even then, I remained so naïve even though my heart was fully broken and that went on until the facts were right in front of my nose… SINGING IS MY LIFE: This is an autobiographical song based on something that happened to me a very long time ago. I was very young and I had my first serious relationship with a person who hated my singing. He said so many times that I was a disgrace and that I shouldn't sing ever again... For 5 years, I quietly swallowed this, pretending that it was ok. I kept going, secretly taking my music classes. I never gave up on MUSIC and I never will! Looking back, I realize I would never allow anyone to do that to me ever again! Frustration about my past is conveyed in this song, along with my heart... This is a dark and heavy tune that reminds you that you should never give up on your dreams! Something More: The album’s only song that wasn’t written by me, but by the talented Kristen Wilson. I personally love this song so much and I love how the instrumental turned out much better than I expected. I love the Indian pop vibe in the song! Kristen: I began writing this song many years ago and gave up on it for a while because it wasn’t going anywhere. After I met Anastasija and began writing music with her, I took a look at it again and was able to complete it due to the inspiration I got from working on her other songs. Some of the lyrics fit in with the mood and subject matter of the music we’ve worked on, including the songs in this album. In addition, this song represents my life growing up with Social Anxiety Disorder, which some say goes hand in hand with ‘The need to be needed’. It’s a desire to stand up for others, to help them recover from abuse and to grow stronger, yet there’s a barrier: my own powerlessness. It’s a thought that perhaps if I were stronger—if I were unbreakable—I could rise above what’s happened in my own life and be the person others need.